How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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