I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize