I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
