My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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