You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We need to get me chipped asap
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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