I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
