Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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