that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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