i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
