I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
