I think I am morally bankrupt
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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