Can Purell be used as lube?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
