I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
