I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
