in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
