over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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