I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
