I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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