wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize