Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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