Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
