Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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