what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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