Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
