Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
