I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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