We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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