he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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