I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
