Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
