She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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