You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
