Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
