Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
