I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
