wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
