If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
