Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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