Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
