First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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