Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
