hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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