Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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