he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
