OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
