Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
