Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
