And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's shark week go big or go home
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
