I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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