KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
