You're completely useless in the revolution.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
