As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
