Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize