I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
