so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
