winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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