i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
