She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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