before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
