i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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