just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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