PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
