So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
