Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
