True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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